Triggers

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I don’t normally write about this but something happened today that really got to me and I’m angry and upset that some stranger can trigger my depression and lack of self-worth just by calling me a liar, trash, and a victim.

One of my best friends had posted something about Planned Parenthood, and this person, who has of late constantly been doing nothing but being negative on her posts if he doesn’t agree with them, posted his opinion about it. And of course his post was knocking those that are lower class and how the majority of them are drug users and don’t know how to handle money, which is typical of him. So, Patti told me about it and tagged me so I could see what he had said. And I responded by calling him out on his constant bad-mouthing of the poor / lower class. I also mentioned how I am prior military, how my husband works his butt off to provide for both of us being as I can no longer work outside of our home due to health issues and mentioned that I have not been able to get disability from either the military or our government. This did not sit well with him. he proceeded to call me ignorant, told me I obviously couldn’t read cause he didn’t say anything bad about the poor, told me to stop making stuff up, stop copying and pasting stuff straight off of Occupy Democrat, go back to being a victim, and called me trash.

I did not respond to any of it. I let him continue on his massive spewing of bad-mouthing me, telling me that I don’t know anything about him (even though I did know something of him as Patti had told me a bit about him), and just continued on his tirade of bullying and insulting me. Patti hadn’t seen all of this til it was too late (she ended up blocking him), and even though I know she does, I do not blame her for anything that transpired.  This person is one of those that we are seeing much more of right now in the US. People, who feel that because they are white, middle-class or rich, that they can bad mouth those of us that are not and they are in the right because if we were educated, we wouldn’t be poor. This person has constantly bad mouth anyone that speaks up about the poor, Planned Parenthood, our economy, etc etc etc doesn’t know anything if we don’t stand with the republicans.  He never really said much on any of Patti’s other posts, but every time she posted something that was against his views, he felt he had to say something negative and start a fight. I’ve stayed quiet, but I finally had enough. I was polite for the most part, and pointed out facts that according to him were lies/made up / taken off of Occupy Democrat when he knows nothing about me.

Just to give you a little insight into me. I am 45 years old and I served 2 years active duty / 3 years reserve for the US Navy (1990-1995), then I served 3 years with the Michigan Army National Guard (Dec 1995-May 1999). I have used Planned Parenthood for a multitude of things from birth control to yes, even an abortion. I started having health issues about 10 years ago when I had a case of pneumonia so bad that the doctors said if I had waited another day I would have ended up in the hospital because it was THAT bad.  Since then, my lungs have not been the same. I cannot use normal cleaning stuff because it causes me to have an asthma attack, I cannot get cold at all else I catch cold/get bronchitis/pneumonia in a heartbeat,  I suffer from anxiety, depression, and a few other health issues that make it pretty difficult for me to hold down a normal job.

So, I stay home, take care of things here, make jewelry, paint, and write stories to help bring in a little bit of extra money here and there.  Anyone that has known me the last 15+ years can tell you that none of this is bullshit. I just do not talk about it a lot because that is just not who I am. I have a close circle of friends that I can go to and vent when I need to and my husband has been my rock for going on 17 years.

So anyway, this whole deal today just completely ruined my whole day. I had to constantly remind myself that what he said was NOT true. That he doesn’t know me or what I’ve done or gone through, but for anyone that suffers from mental disorders, you know it is not easy to just shake shit like that off. It has taken me YEARS to get to be the person I am today with the strength and love of hubby and my soul sisters.  A few years ago, I wouldn’t have even said anything to this guy because I used to be terrified to say anything against others due to growing up and not being allowed to have my own opinion on things.  I am an extremely sensitive person to begin with and just have someone tear down my walls like that is NOT easy to deal with.

However, thanks to my soul sisters, listening to 80s music , and typing all of this out, I feel much better and feel I can move on with the rest of my evening and figuratively put all of the bs from today in the trash and ‘burn’ it.

Thank you for listening to my rambling and the pouring out of my heart. And I just want to remind everyone out there that suffers from the same things I do *mental health wise*, do NOT let these people get under your skin. Even if you do, it’s ok. Write it out, scream it out, find someone safe to talk to, and then just keep on walkin and push those toxic people out of your life because they mean NOTHING.  They ARE NOTHING to you. Those that are there for you through all this BS and your craziness are your tribe and THEY are the ones that matter. YOU MATTER.

~Love and Blessings~

Cyndi

 

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